twofingersandathumb

I live across from a community park where I often walk my dogs. Last weekend the softball fields and warm-up areas were activated by girls of various ages batting, throwing and catching; and parents watching, eating and yelling. A regional tournament was in full swing.

While I lingered to watch a few innings, I reminisced back to when my daughter played on these same fields and I managed and coached her teams. I remember the practices, the drills, the trips to the batting cages, the girls’ competitiveness and the parents’ cliques. On top of that there was the important goal of being selected for the all-star team or a travel team, which conferred an elite status on the players who made it. Between rec ball, all-stars and travel ball, a girl could conceivably play softball year round.

I remembered the parents who encouraged and those who complained. One the one hand there was the dad whose daughter didn’t make the all-star team that year and who verbally attacked me for the better part of an hour, accusing me of ruining his girl’s chances to play high school ball which could lead to a college scholarship. On the other hand there was the dad who coached with me for three seasons and overlooked no player. Ours was the most unified team one year and we won the league trophy.

Each spring was given over to all things softball: practices, games, planning, snack shack schedules, weather reports, field maintenance, team sleepovers… It all seemed so vital to the formation of happy, well-rounded kids.

It’s all so entirely unimportant to me now. I do and I don’t miss those days on the ball fields. The point was to have fun, to build skills, friendships, discipline and character in our kids. The actuality also consisted of strife, scheming and gossip. All that time, effort and money we spent… was it worth it?

This is what I know: We parents have good intentions in enrolling our kids into extracurricular activities. And then we sit on the sidelines or in the audience to watch them succeed and fail. We stop participating, leaving it up to coaches like me to form good character and marketable skills in our kids. But character is formed in the home and then brought to the ball field.

My daughter, who never once played on the all-star team, opted for water polo during high school and is now serving as a United State Marine. We play catch when she’s home on leave.

What of the daughter of the ranting father? She was good enough to be picked for the high school JV team as a freshman but stopped playing altogether the following year. I was saddened to subsequently read about her in the police blotter in our local newspaper.

The important thing about training our kids is what happens at home, not at home plate.

The pretty one in the middle is completing her first tour of duty in Iraq. The photo was taken in Al Anbar province.

What are we coming to, that our relationships with our cell phones, games and MP3 players have become so much more important than our people relationships that we won’t shut them off, but shut off people instead?

Last night I went with my friend and his daughter to dinner at a favorite local restaurant. Established entity in the community for years, it’s where sports teams have their end-of- season parties, friends meet up for drinks after work, church-goers have brunch and families go for dinner. It’s a place to talk and connect.

Soon after we ordered our drinks, a family was seated at the next table. It was comprised of mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, and preteen and teenage daughters. I noticed something that I’ve been seeing more and more of lately: one or more of the family members will disengage from conversation with the others and engage instead with an electronic device all by themselves. In this case, the younger daughter separated herself from the others, her eyes glued to the blue-white electronic screen of a handheld electronic game that was illuminating her face in the dim restaurant light. She did not once look up except to place her order with the waitress. I did not observe her talking with or even turning toward anyone else at the table. She sat fairly much immobile, staring at the screen even while eating her meal. The others seemed to think nothing of it.

My friend noticed it, too, and reminded me of another evening at a different restaurant where the patrons in the next booth were each engaged with an electronic device throughout their meal, carrying on little conversation and hardly even looking at each other.

What do we value?

I’m not saying we should get rid of our devices. They are useful, convenient and entertaining. But should we use them in such a way as to divide and isolate ourselves from our precious friends, family and lovers? Isn’t face-to-face, human-to-human connection so much more valuable than these things?

Remember Stephen Stills’ lyrics, If you can’t be with the one you love, Love the one you’re with? Well, how about when you are with the one(s) you love, turn off your devices and actually be with them? Shut off your iTouch or whatever you’re packing and let them light up your face instead. Won’t that make for better relationships?

How to throw like a guy. Don’t pass up any opportunity to play catch.
A well-developed sense of humor is invaluable for life.
Be playful; take time to have fun.
Give a lot of hugs. But be selective who you give them to.
Music…make it the background of your life.
Dogs fill out a family.
A cup of good coffee is a foundation for meaningful conversation.
Baseball is the best of all games.
Barbecue.
Listen. People appreciate it when you hear them.
Telling a story gets your point across quickly.
Apologize when you mess up.
Always accept the apology when someone messes you up.
Nothing is unforgivable.
Kids are worth all the effort you put into them.
Swedish pancakes…the ultimate breakfast.
Be neighborly.
Serve others, but also take care of yourself.
Letting the guy open the door for you honors him and allows him to honor you.
Stay in the Word and put the Word in you.
Pray until the answer comes.
You can make it through anything when you are confident that God has your best in mind.
Focus on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, praiseworthy and good. Put the other stuff behind you and stop looking back at it.

posted by Alvalyn Lundgren

My daughter, a lance corporal in the US Marine Corps, is going to Iraq while all her friends are going to the mall. The significance of this divergence is not lost on her, nor on me, nor on any of those who are going with her.

Our lives are shaped by the choices we make. My daughter has made a difficult choice, has taken the harder road and because of it stands on higher ground. She does not belong to herself anymore; instead, she is government property, and lives and moves at its beck and call. She has chosen to give up her rights and to lay her life down for those friends who are headed for the mall. When she returns, how will she compare to them? How will their lives shape up compared to hers? How will they shape the lives of others? How will she? Which of them will respect freedom and understand its privilege and its price as she will? Which of them will appreciate service and sacrifice, and know satisfaction?

Her friends don’t get it. I observe them and it’s obvious that they don’t. They don’t understand that there is more to life than the abundance of things and the number of tunes one carries on his iPod. They don’t understand that we are meant for so much more than consuming stuff. They don’t understand that even the opportunity to have an abundance of things is worth fighting for and even dying for.

I am pleased with my daughter and the choices she has made. She’s given up her life, at least for the moment, so that her friends can go on enjoying theirs. They’re worth it to her.

I hope eventually they’ll get it.