I live across from a community park where I often walk my dogs. Last weekend the softball fields and warm-up areas were activated by girls of various ages batting, throwing and catching; and parents watching, eating and yelling. A regional tournament was in full swing.
While I lingered to watch a few innings, I reminisced back to when my daughter played on these same fields and I managed and coached her teams. I remember the practices, the drills, the trips to the batting cages, the girls’ competitiveness and the parents’ cliques. On top of that there was the important goal of being selected for the all-star team or a travel team, which conferred an elite status on the players who made it. Between rec ball, all-stars and travel ball, a girl could conceivably play softball year round.
I remembered the parents who encouraged and those who complained. One the one hand there was the dad whose daughter didn’t make the all-star team that year and who verbally attacked me for the better part of an hour, accusing me of ruining his girl’s chances to play high school ball which could lead to a college scholarship. On the other hand there was the dad who coached with me for three seasons and overlooked no player. Ours was the most unified team one year and we won the league trophy.
Each spring was given over to all things softball: practices, games, planning, snack shack schedules, weather reports, field maintenance, team sleepovers… It all seemed so vital to the formation of happy, well-rounded kids.
It’s all so entirely unimportant to me now. I do and I don’t miss those days on the ball fields. The point was to have fun, to build skills, friendships, discipline and character in our kids. The actuality also consisted of strife, scheming and gossip. All that time, effort and money we spent… was it worth it?
This is what I know: We parents have good intentions in enrolling our kids into extracurricular activities. And then we sit on the sidelines or in the audience to watch them succeed and fail. We stop participating, leaving it up to coaches like me to form good character and marketable skills in our kids. But character is formed in the home and then brought to the ball field.
My daughter, who never once played on the all-star team, opted for water polo during high school and is now serving as a United State Marine. We play catch when she’s home on leave.
What of the daughter of the ranting father? She was good enough to be picked for the high school JV team as a freshman but stopped playing altogether the following year. I was saddened to subsequently read about her in the police blotter in our local newspaper.
The important thing about training our kids is what happens at home, not at home plate.
twofingersandathumb 